I have seen those who sit in a remote area at weddings and funerals and the like. Those that don’t want to participate with others. But I do want to participate it looks like everyone is having fun and I’m just there.

Why do you write that you have nothing to say during conversation? My head goes blank or in my head it’s like why are you talking to me

Why did you write of recreational drugs? Which make you wish to harm yourself? I wish even drugs or alcohol would make me more outgoing/talkative, happy/ anything but it just makes me quieter or happy/suicidal. (I love the wrong affect trick I have)

In order to engage in great conversations you have to expose yourself. Are you afraid of others for a legitimate reason? I don’t think I have legitimate reason

Why are you and to whom are you saying “I’m okay?” everyone besides my husband. His family asks, my family asks, It’s like I’m not involved it really sucks when my husbands family’s around because they drink a lot and that’s just another thing I can’t do.

You may not have a job to make your living but that is a rather rude and ignorant question, yes? “And what do you do?” is still rude but can be answered with much more than “I do nothing.” You do something. I mostly on the BP forum and on facebook. I don’t want to reveal I’m BP and all I do is read and help others that are homeschoolers and no one wants to really talk about homeschooling. I homeschool and don’t even want to talk about it. It makes people think you’re all judgy which I’m not and I won’t even be doing that in 2.5 years. I listen to music, I’m planning on taking up coloring again but people don’t see that as a “real” hobby. I sit and zone out a lot. I’m a slow typer. Thes has taken about an hour to type.

You live through an entire day and you are, usually, always doing something, always thinking something. You may sleep for 12-hours, read for 3-hours and eff-around on the internet for 6-hours. You do. You think. Others do the same. They can’t make you laugh and they’ve nothing interesting to say? I’m not saying they’re unintresting I’m saying I accidentally shut down conversations before they even have started.

Yes, there is something lonely in what you wrote. Disinterested. Disengaged. I don’t know what types of fêtes you attend? Family get-togethers? This time it was a baby shower with my husband’s family.

I hardly even talk to my husband and son. When I do talk to my son it's about what he is or is not doing correctly. Get up and dressed, take a shower, do a chore, is your homework done? I love you good night. I type more then I talk to my husband.

I slowly became like this my husband blames himself.