[trigger warning]

I had three bad depression days where I couldn't leave my bed. Last night I didn't sleep well at all so I figured I was swinging into hypomania and then this morning I confirmed it when I woke up feeling great. I did yoga. I took my dog for a walk.

And then I went to see my therapist and I yelled at her. I don't think I've ever yelled at someone I didn't know in my life and I yelled at her. I suddenly swung into irritable hypomania and I became so agitated.

I just kept asking her "am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life??" am I constantly going to be swinging from these horrible f****** lows, to suddenly high and then too high and then crawling out of my skin??

How am I supposed to hold a job?
How am I supposed to be a parent?
How am I supposed to have a successful relationship?

I just kept yelling and I felt like I was going to explode. I have been trying so hard to be positive since leaving the hospital and it's like swinging into irritable hypomania straight out depression just finally broke me.

I don't think I can do this anymore. What is the point?