my mum fed me to the devil.....i want to hate her...to despise her..
but i always always go back to her...
i come crawling back...
to be loved...
to be cared for and held...like a mum should hold u n keep u safe..
i want her to be a MUM and care for me...
hug me and hold me...
comfort me and tell me i am safe...
but im never gonna get that....
but everyday i just think...maybe it will be different this time..
Even tho she was depressed...sad...messed up...taking drugs...how could she leave me...
knowing her father is destroying me...
killing me.....
how could she turn a blind eye?
how could she live with herself?
was i nothing to her?
am i nothing?
and what about my grandmother?
is she not as bad as him?
in the same house??
sitting in the lounge room...washing the dishes??
ignoring it...ignoring the fact he is having his way with me...
a seven year old...an eight year old...
did she not hear me weep...after?
did she care?
did she then go and have dinner with him?
go to sleep with him next to her?
after he had just stolen my innoscense..
taken my childhood...
destroyed my body....
destroyed my mind...
how sad it is...for a seven year old girl to want to die...
to think about death...as her only escape...
to long for her mum to come and save her...
but where was she...i kept waiting..and waiting...i stayed up just incase id miss her...but she never came....
nobody did..
my mum..my grandma...guilty as sin...guilty as him...
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