Another curious question.

I’m realizing that I’ve never really felt like a grown up. I’m actually 53 and in a way, I hope I never feel like a grown up.

Facts and hard line truth are hard for me to resign myself to. They are extremely hard for me to stand behind and back up. Boundaries are such a foreign concept to me.

I think, in a way, that has helped me hold myself together.

Ya know, believing for the good.

It’s gotten me in some not so good places, believing that everyone is good and thinking the best of them from the beginning.

Then.

Reality comes falling down on me.

There’s a little one that eventually finds me and brings their idea of our world back to me.

I’m good until it replays and I have to deal with life in a way that I don’t want to see it.

Growing up I wanted to have the picture book family. That was completely not the case.

Got married and I decided that I would make it happen. Again, that was not the case as hard as I tried to make it so.

I can look back and see that I was ignoring facts and hard line truth and choosing to not see it.

I just kept pushing myself and trying to create what I saw in my mind. In my heart.

I do know that I was not “me” in those places, choosing to ignore facts and truth.

I’ve shared some of the hard stuff recently here on PC and I know that if it was someone else they would have jumped this boat a long time ago.

I guess I just wonder if the dissociation of escaping bad places and also putting myself in better places plays into this.

I was curious if anyone else has ever considered this.

Thank you for hearing me.

Trail.