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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
Well, since she offered it, maybe try to withdraw the check and see how you feel about it with time. Satisfied? Empowered? Guilty? Ambivalent? Perhaps "acting this out" might generate good material to discuss with her later.
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I would feel guilty I think.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I would think the therapist would give you a free appointment. Not so much take the check back, but not pay for the next one. I would not feel guilty for doing it - I think the therapist should feel guilty for taking money and not performing.
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But she never offered to do that. I had to bring it up. I also have to be honest. She wasn't totally distracted and I rambled on about stuff like I often do. It was so different from the way she has been for 7 years that threw me. Part of me agrees with you but I feel like I didn't accept the check back so it's too late now. She won't offer the next session for free. I missed my chance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Payment is an important boundary in therapy. I don’t actually think she should have offered.
I have in fact gotten free sessions from No. 3. Once, it was a session intended to repair a colossal mistake she made, way way way beyond her being distracted. The rest were just, she didn’t charge for things she could have like extending session time. I offered a few times and got rebuffed, so I stopped. But I wish I had paid regardless because it would have stopped that relationship from getting so messy. If I had the resources, I would pay her back, because I think that would help me feel better about that relationship. I might still someday.
I think in an ideal world therapy fees (and lots of other professional fees) should be tied to the success of each session (donation-based, with a minimum donation). But in this world therapists and clients have a contract, like with other professionals. Lawyers generally charge whether they successfully defend a client or not. Doctors charge whether patients get better or not. Mere distraction to me doesn’t rate anything other than an apology and a commitment to try not to let it happen again.
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I don't know. Stopdog has a point (next post) about it being her whole job to pay attention to the client but she didn't. She emailed or texted, only once, when I came back from the bathroom (I was too quick!), and she looked at the clock more than usual. She DID listen to my singing on my cell phone with 100% attention for about 6 minutes. But she admitted via email that she WAS distracted. I wish SHE had offered a free session, instead of me bringing it up. I pay before we start. I should have discussed it then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
The difference to me is that the therapist is being paid to pay attention to the client - that is their one job. That is it. They don't do anything else. So not paying attention is failing at their job.
You pay a lawyer to represent you - not to win your case - no lawyer with even a quarter brain promises to win
You pay an md to try and treat a condition - not always to fix it so it goes away and never returns.
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I sort of agree but no one is perfect.
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Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess
I think payment for service like therapy is paying for the time spent in the office. If she spent the time with you, you owe her the money. Out at breakfast the other morning they messed up my omelet (forgot to omit the tomatoes and add the spinach). I told my server about it but specifically said I wasn't looking for a reduced fee. I got one anyway. I think when clients make complaints, T's take action. Once my T missed a session, and she gave me a free co pay at the next one. Not necessary but appreciated. Obviously it wasn't only about the money for you or you'd have taken the check.
I think it's perfectly fine to complain to your T about anything that isn't right for you. But to move forward, I wonder if it might be useful for you to spend some time discussion what this is really about. Why don't you pay her full fee if you can afford it? Why do you think she shouldn't be paid more? What does this say about how you value time from your therapist and/or other people?
It seems to me that you often say something about how you are treated by other people, family, friends, and your T. Like it is never enough for you. Is that something to work on? I think the money issue is just standing in front of something larger.
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Thanks. The reason she gave me the reduced rate in the first place is because my husband was sick and he didn't want me to see her for $100. Insurance had enabled me to pay just a copay for 5 years. I think I paid $75 which was her idea. I had LESS money when my husband was alive, and that fee was our agreement. After my husband passed away, I voluntarily gave her $100. I didn't know that she raised her fee to $160 for awhile. I don't remember her telling me for about a year.
I have someone else help me at home and she raised her price recently. She told me that but said since we started at the original price, she wasn't going to change it. I thought that was commonly done.
Nevertheless, I agree it's not about the money. Well, sort of, it is. It's about me being a professional but getting paid peanuts! Like how come T gets to earn so much? I think I'm more intelligent than she is. Yes, it's about me and jealously and other stuff. I totally agree with you.u