I think there is a subtle difference (but the law makes a very clear distinction in some countries/states) between deliberate euthanasia and assisted suicide. In euthanasia, the physician can administer the drug or whatever method, while in assisted suicide, the one assisting "only" gives the drug to the person and s/he has to perform the act. Euthanasia is what is more strictly controlled and less available, but if the person is supposed to be fully mentally competent, the difference is quite subtle really, maybe more just philosophical/symbolic, at least in my mind.

The availability of these things for people who suffer and want to die due to mental health issues is of course an extremely controversial area and I think it is not allowed in most places. This always makes me somewhat angry because it assumes that suffering from mental problems is not appreciated as very serious for an individual, just because there is no physical pain, organ failure, clearly predictable natural death in sight... Of course I understand why this is the case, but still. If human dignity and freedom are recognized in the context of physical capability, why is the mental part not, especially given that the freedom of choice is a very mental thing? Also, these days it's generally accepted that mental illnesses are physical in nature, and some are chronic or life long... And, with debilitating, painful, slow course physical illness, I doubt that a person maintains a very peaceful, completely healthy emotional mindset, even if cognition appears intact. The boundaries are clearly quite diffuse.

I understand why people feel uncomfortable talking about death, I think the fear and avoidance is natural. I've personally never felt uncomfortable discussing it, I also think/feel it's normal part of life, however cliche that sounds. I can't say that I have no/little fear of dying and death though - the very reason why I am doing this planning is because I am terrified of chronic serious illness (both physical and dementia) and also the whole stopping to exist someday. The latter does not make me believe in any form of afterlife per se, but I am generally agnostic simply because I have no way of knowing those things.

I have been able to talk about these topics with many friends, even my elderly father, very openly and comfortably. It's certainly not for everyone though, why I am very selective bringing it up and why also hesitated about posting a thread here - I just did because there are so many highly intelligent, thoughtful people here, as well as a lot of suffering.

As for therapists, I would have no problem bringing it up again, but I would prefer in a practical context, not asking for help to make up my mind. I mentioned before that I did bring up assisted death with both of my Ts and they were pretty good at discussing it in philosophical ways. But when I wrote an email to my last T about me planning to actually do this for myself, he never responded and never brought it up in session.

So more about why I prefer assisted death vs the good old DIY way... For me it is not much about the reliability of the method - I am a biologist with perfectly enough knowledge on how to terminate life successfully and could find the resource for it myself if necessary. It is much more related to the context and environment surrounding it, and here is another relationship to the psychedelic experiences, where context/environment is very well known to be important and greatly influence the experience. I have been a very autonomous, self-sufficient person in my whole life (actually too much and some of my challenges relate to this psychological feature) - just would not want to have my last moments/hours all alone, preparing and executing the act in secret. I have planned and done way too many things alone/secretively already, dying that way as well just does not feel like spiritual evolution for me. Of course, ultimately, it is a lonely experience, but not necessarily in context. I also assume that doing it legally, openly, with people assisting both in the process and the execution, might be a good distraction from the anxiety and fear. And I don't need to be worried about who finds me and how (even if it is away from civilization, in the wilderness) - this might not be a factor for everyone, but it is for me.

As for what happens afterward - for me whether or not I want to be cremated was never even a question. Both of my parents were also cremated, at their will, they planned it and bought the grave in advance (well, it was my dad who arranged all that). For me, I don't want to have a grave though. It is a symbolic thing in my mind - being my ashes scattered would represent the freedom and not attached/belonging to any particular place strongly in my life. I would consider this differently if I had children and if it meant something for them to have a grave, but I don't, so it's just me deciding.

So, these are pretty much my plans, right now.