Not to be meant at all, just another viewpoint.

It seems that you often question your therapist's intention and authenticity because you pay her. So now that she's offered to have you 'not' pay her for that session you still question her.

Also as someone has noted, do you offer to give back your salary when you aren't able to give your all at work?

I think you expect way too much from your T and no matter what approach she takes you have issues with it. I sometimes wonder if you're in a rut with her and maybe a different T can help you move forward with this cycling.