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Originally Posted by healinginprogress
I really think this is spot on. I agree that it doesn't seem like it's about the money at all.
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It's about my feeling of wishing I didn't have to pay, never having a career, and feeling that my T wasn't paying attention to me. A lot of stuff. Resentful of being old enough for Medicare and not having insurance like I used to have. Medicare is fine for medical claims but most Ts don't accept it and it probably wouldn't cover social workers anyway. Jealousy of T though I could travel too if I felt better and if I weren't afraid. She's going to an exotic country in a few weeks.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I have always felt that the only use I had for the woman was renting the space from her. But most of the time when I say that others exclaim oh no the therapist does somethings. Here, in this case, the therapist failed to do the minimal something they’re supposed to do And that they constantly give them some credit for doing. I don’t think there’s any defense of this therapist in this instance
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Thanks, stopdog. My T has always been there for me. She messed up this once. I don't like that she did, but I don't think I should have taken my check back. If I had done so, I would feel guilty. But she did offer when I complained. I'm not good with decisions.
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Originally Posted by ByStarlight
I disagree. If I have a contractor come to my house to do work - and they're having an "off" day and don't do the work (or do it incorrectly), I'm certainly not going to pay them. I'd probably give them a second chance to make it right...and I would hope that they would offer to do so.
That said, I had a session with therapist who was clearly distracted. I called her on it and she admitted she had been totally distracted and apologized (but didn't offer any other reparation). We were doing full on trauma work and it wasn't the first time something like this had happened and I was paying her full fee out-of-pocket. Based on this, I decided the cost-benefit of working with her wasn't worth it.
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Thanks for your input. My T has always been reliable and wonderful. I have to let it go. It's not the money like others said. I'm just very depressed right now.
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Originally Posted by fille_folle
I would worry about T resenting me if I was paying a reduced rate when she knew I could afford the full one, and then suggested that I shouldn't even have to pay that. Accepting a reduced rate when there isn't financial necessity sends the message that you value her less than her other clients. I definitely wouldn't want to distinguish myself that way.
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She gave me the reduced rate when I went on Medicare. My husband wouldn't let me see her otherwise. He hated my being in therapy. It was okay for $25 a session but not $100. He was sick and I needed therapy. She let me pay $60 or $75. After he passed away, I decided to pay $100. She didn't tell me it was $165. Maybe I should paint to $165 now. I don't care. I want to die anyway.
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Originally Posted by ruh roh
Although I hire my therapist to help me with certain things and, of course, to be present during my hour, I am not a lump of clay waiting for her to make me into something or make me feel good/loved/valued. It's not all on her. What I do with the hour is also of value.
So in your case, while your therapist screwed up, what did you do with that session? And by that I mean, not while you were in the room but afterward, now even? It's all material, if you want to use it. Because even if each one of us had a therapist check out during a session, we would have different responses, different issues emerge as a result. And that's of value, for those who use therapy to gain insight into their interactions, feelings, and behavior--and I realize that not everyone uses therapy in that way. If you're fine with yourself, and are just paying someone to hang on every word you say, then yeah...get your money back for that session. But if any of this is giving you insight into yourself, then maybe there was some worth in the session. It doesn't always have to be of benefit during the time in the therapy room. There is stuff of value to mine afterward. At least, that's how I approach my therapy.
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Thank you. That makes sense but I am in pain from sciatica or something like that, and am depressed. It wasn't a good time for my T not to be present. You're right. Afterwards I thought I'm pathetic to pay her to listen to me sing on my phone. I resented her looking at the clock so much. I thought I was important to her. It made me feel I'm not. I'm just a paycheck. She denied that yesterday.
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Originally Posted by feileacan
I will state my opinion although you may not like it. I will write it anyway, feel free to ignore it.
From reading your other posts I've got an opinion that you have some issues around money. If I remember correctly then the theme whether your T is worth the money you pay her as been constantly on your mind. So, in that sense there's no wonder you are contemplating the issue of taking back the check - considering the whole context it seems perfectly natural and normal.
What I find alarming though is that your T does not charge you her full fee although you both know that you can afford it. And moreover, she was offering to give you back the check for the time and service she had already dedicated to you! I don't know what it means but somehow it seems that she is subconsciously either afraid of you or somehow joins you in your pathology, fostering dependence and preventing working through the related issues.
If she would be strong enough to demand you her full fee (because as you said, you can afford it) then this problem of yours, that you feel she does not deserve your money, could come more fully into open and who knows what lurks behind it. Right now it seems to me that the T herself is preventing really discussing those issues.
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I don't disagree with you for the most part. But T said we had an agreement about the fee so she didn't raise it. She never told me: this is my fee, you have to pay it. I have more money now but I don't work. I have to live on what my husband had plus social security and pension. It's good but you never know what could happen. Maybe I will discuss it with her. I think she charges too much for a social worker. I know I'm jealous. I hate myself anyway.
[QUOTE=Mouse_62;59388
I agree.(sorry didn't want to use the like button. I find it repulsive in its use/abuse )[/QUOTE]
Thanks, mouse. I agree about the like button. It's hurtful and is like taking sides. Thanks for saying that!! I do agree with feileacan mostly.