This post makes me sad. I understand it, and I feel that way too (I've had a lot of good friends, and some family members, just disappear on me.)

I feel like there's a fine line here too. I want to let you know that you don't strike me as "worthless" (which is what I hear when you say "throwaway"). You're incredibly intelligent, thoughtful, and you seem to have a drive (for a lack of better word). You're a good communicator. You're a decent human. None of that screams "throwaway" to me.

But, I don't want to discount your feelings (and I think saying all that, saying that you're not a "throwaway person" can feel like I am). So I'm not sure how to balance those.

I think that what others have said is very, very true.

1. I'm not sure when it's ever appropriate to correct someone in real life. Unless it's someone that I'm *very* close and comfortable with, and something that matters. Even though, adults have autonomy and it's not my job to tell them how to live their life. (Trying to give advice like this, when it's not asked for, can often make you look like intrusive and like a bit of a crazy control freak!)

I also think the previous poster was right - most of us are just muddling along, doing our best, and not really sure enough of the "right thing" to start dishing out advice, or even noticing somebody doing it wrong.

The people in my life who have done this for me have been people that I've been very close to, and it hasn't been advice really, but rather long philosophical discussions on how people and the world work. Thinking about things, hashing it out, comparing stories, and both of us sharing our experiences in the hopes of figuring out better way to relate to the world. But, the people that I've found who are interested in those conversations is very, very tiny!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I think this is a big one. I had an online therapist years ago who told me that, if he were in a restaurant and a woman ran up to his table, gave him the stink-eye, and started screaming that he was a hideous, awful, terrible person, a truly disgusting worthless human who didn't deserve to be on the planet, and then ran away... it wouldn't bother him. Because he doesn't know her, and he knows he's not those things. It wouldn't affect him anymore than if someone came up to him and said something like, "At night, you turn into an elephant and go stomping through the city, crushing everyone's cars - you monster!"

That was a bit of a light-bulb moment for me. Because I find it hard to not take in what people say too. But really, if you've ever reacted to someone in anger that wasn't actually about them, snapped, said something you regret... think about that, it happens to others too. They're reacting to their own stuff and their own perceptions, which might have nothing to do with you.

If somebody on the street happens to remind you of your mother, and your mother was a terrible, abusive person... and this person stops you to ask a question or for directions, and you give them a suspicious look, before you reluctantly answer them in as few words as possible - that has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with the woman.

Sometimes it's not even that clear, but it's still the other person reacting to their own stuff (fears, insecurities, hopes, whatever) - and not reacting to *you*.

It's almost like, we're expecting people to be fairly good mirrors of who we are... but they're not. They're really showing us who THEY are, most of the time.