So, I guess I'm a little disappointed (and scared?). Over the past 5 years, I've become pretty convinced that I'm bipolar to some degree. I definitely go through distinct periods of depression and elation with little environmental influence. (I am "normal" at least 60% of the time though)

I'm an insomniac. I started a business on a whim. Many people believe I have ADHD due to hyperactivity, but I just go through phases. My depressions are not really triggered by anything, and they begin slowly over months. I can be incredibly hostile, grandiose, and narcissistic. Plus, I have atypical depressions (extremely common in bipolar depression). I never knew what mania was, but the first time I experienced it, I described it to my friends as the opposite of depression. (They knew I had been depressed) Little did I know...

I really was hoping antidepressants would help take care of the problem. I've tried every self-help method under the sun, and it's mostly ineffective. I'm starting to come to the conclusions that I may have to admit to having something more serious to truly feel better. (Admitting to depression is easy for me, but the idea of telling anyone I may be bipolar scares me. I don't exactly like the idea of being certifiably "crazy")

I purposely avoided the subject when I initially talked to my doctor. (I know, shame on me) I thought maybe I was just being a hypochondriac of sorts. If I were to be diagnosed bipolar, it would certainly mess up my life goals. But, if I don't get help, I'll probably screw it up on my own. I've already screwed my life up pretty bad in the past six months. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ugh, I'm frustrated and now I guess I just need to vent.