Quote:
Originally Posted by estellanomore
I am wondering if mine stems from the fear of being abanoned by my t. I feel like if he abandoned me that I would 'die'.
This goes back to feeling terrified of being left as a child and never feeling secure.
There is a terrified, out of control child inside of me and I need reassurance. But because I feel like I cant get that reassurance, I think its coming out in suicidal and SH thoughts.
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That sounds plausible and makes sense. It is really difficult to transition from the intensity of session time, and the disappearance of the person with whom you shared that time the other hours of the week. I have no solution, because it often panics me too, especially vacations and I also lose faith in my T and in the whole suspension of disbelief the process requires. It is such a leap of faith to be someone's patient, and then the system seems set up to damage trauma clients simultaneously with helping them. It is a mind game, but with the players really trying to care. It is a crazy enterprise, and does hurt. It is an idealistic enterprise full of many kinds of love, and still it does hurt.