Hi lyn, it looks like maybe you are looking for support in your decision to try life without your meds? Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons of being on your meds. IN what ways do you feel better or worse on meds? You've already said without your meds you have panic attacks. If you don't want to go back on meds, you need to find another way to deal with the panic attacks. A therapist could help you with that. I would just go through my list one by one and see if there are solutions to the current problems that do not involve meds. If there are just too many "cons" right now and not enough alternative ways to cope, maybe you are not ready to be med-free. You could go back on meds but work out an approach with your doctor that doesn't get you taking meds with bad side effects, such as weight gain, headaches, etc. Good luck!