We have talked about me being angry in session. Expressing it and voicing it as anger, without being pushed to the very edge of my control, is something that I can't seem to do.

Last week I was talking about my mom and how she makes me SO angry. My counselor made the comment that I didn't sound angry in the least bit. He was talking about my tone of voice and what I was saying about it.

What's ironic is that I was so mad internally that I was seeing silver sparkles on the outside of my vision. I looked that up and its a sign of your blood pressure shooting up very high.

So I WAS angry and internally felt it, but to my counselor he saw no anger.

Seems to me right now that that is a learned protective skill.

I wasn't allowed to be angry when I was young either. I guess I adapted.

When I do show emotion in my voice if I am talking to him about something that frustrates me or makes me angry, he takes great offense to it and accuses me of hollering or "chewing his ### out" which I don't do. He just turns it back onto me. So it really isn't worth it if it gets redirected at me.