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Two questions, for both RACEKA and Pennkid, if you're up to answering.

The first question is, what do you have around you for support? Family? Friends? RACEKA, I get the impression that you live on your own, and Pennkid, that you're still living with family. Have I understood your personal situations correctly?

The second question is, when is the last time that either of you went to a doctor and had a full physical? I'm not a doctor, none of us here are -- but what if there's more than one thing going on for you? There's absolutely no reason why you couldn't have both a "mental illness" and an underlying physical problem as well, such as anemia, or hypothyroidism, or chronic fatigue. Treating one won't necessarily make the other go away but it might free up a bit more energy to deal with the other.

I'd also recommend that both of you check out your options for professional support within your communities. Pennkid, I can appreciate that for you, life has lost it's meaning and doesn't seem worth living anymore. I agree that that's not the same as feeling suicidal, but it's not a good way to live. I don't know what's wrong in your life but I can certainly see that life is not going well for you.

I can appreciate that you'd prefer to go the non-medicated route. One doctor I've heard of who prefers that is Dr. Bertram Karon. I know he's got a book out as well called, Psychotherapy of Schizophrenia: The Treatment of Choice. The copy at amazon is a bit on the pricey side (almost $40.00) but you might be able to find a used copy somewhere for less (here's one option that lists the books for $12.57) . Maybe his articles or books would be a starting point for you. You might even be able to write or phone him -- perhaps he could recommend someone in your area that might be helpful for you.

I'd really like to see both of you started on a path that is helping you in whatever way you need.