@guilloche Yeah, I was okay with her, questioned the relationship dynamic but okay. Then in the last session I remember the first half I was talking about how stressful the week had been. My roommate/Friend and I finally had I guess a heart to heart. She'd been dodging me and this has been going on and off for months. She just had a very avoidant personality for the slightest thing. Our communication was way off. Through the help of my best friend, I wrote a letter, sent it to her got a reply that was just kinda writting it off, but also might just move out. It made me freak out because it wasn't clear on a lot of stuff. Then had an actual in person convo that made things a whole lot better.
But somehow she brought up if I was getting enough out of therapy, and getting my moneys worth. My initial response was defensive with questions and she didn't give too many satisfying answers. Even when I asked if she thought I'd made progress she just gave a long version of no and it'd take time.

and I have thought of other types of therapy and stuff. But it's so draining, and like @stopdog said I did think of doing maybe another activity even.

And @SalingerEsme I'm very similar! I'm extremely observant of peoples behavior, I don't even have to cautiously process it but will react based of someones else's actions and can go back and see why. Like I'm kind of a hugger, but somehow I rarely end up awkwardly initiating it with people that feel uncomfortable. I'll realize later why I felt hesitant around someone when I go back and reflect. Because of this I try to be less watchful of my T, I make regular eye contact when she speaks, but probably spend the rest of the time looking out the window. Also, this is why I'm unsure of the connection. I'm afraid of misreading her.

And yeah, she knows I'm afraid of her terminating me this was talked about a few months ago. I'm not sure if she was, but her doubts just made me feel worse. I can deal with someone critiquing me. But she wasn't. If she's unsure if she can help me, how I am I supposed to know or depend on her? My best friends don't know if they can really help me but they'd try. If I went back to therapy, I'd definitely want a different approach just not sure.

My friend also pointed out she could have been testing me??? He's never been in therapy though. Also asked maybe she expect to know more about me than him, or surprised that in a high stress situation I called him. I thought of calling her, but couldn't see her being comforting at that time.