Historically, I have a greater issue with depression during this time of year, when the weather changes and the days get shorter. This year has been especially hard. I’m trying to start a relationship when I’m not particularly used to men (people) being that nice to me...trying to trust someone is messing with my ability to be stable.

I am also a nurse, and I’ve had to deal with some challenging patients in the last month or so. It is difficult for me because when I have patients with an underlying psych diagnosis, I try especially hard to be understanding. However, much of the time, they are used to the system not being so understanding. Tonight, I had a patient who was abusive from the moment I walked into their room. For me, sometimes, it is hard to take the abuse and try to shrug it off as just a part of the job when, in my personal life, I am struggling with the same diagnosis they are. It’s hard to want to walk back into work every night knowing that my job turns a blind eye to this behavior, that it is about the bottom line and satisfaction scores. It doesn’t matter if I’m spit at, hit, kicked, screamed at or what, as long as patients want to come back. And I’m just not strong enough right now to be able to continually take it.

That’s all...I just needed to talk about it. Thank you.