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Originally Posted by Catlovers141
"If I am paying a therapist for one hour of his or her time, I expect that to be my time. I actually set the bar pretty low - I don't expect them to fawn on me or to agree with everything I say - but I do expect them to be on time and to be fully present for that one hour."
I agree with this, and I hope what I said above doesn't sound like I don't. My point is that your time should be yours and focused on you, AND that the therapist should be paid for it.
If your therapist consistently is late or not paying attention, it is definitely time for a new one. You should not have to pay for time that is not being used exclusively for you.
I'm realizing that my post may have come across as more inflammatory than I meant it to be. My tone was meant to be patient and explanatory, not angry. I think people who are not independent contractors do not realize how much expenses add up when your company is not the one paying for them.
Rainbow, it sounds like this might have been a unique instance for your therapist? If so, hopefully it does not happen again and this one instance can be used for material in your sessions.
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Thanks, Catlovers. Yes, my T has never been distracted like this before. She has always been 100% present with me.
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Originally Posted by ruh roh
I'm sorry about your health issues, rainbow. That makes it hard to cope.
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Thank you. I appreciate your understanding.
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I personally don't really understand why the fee thing has to be a topic of analysis. I don't care what expenses a T has behind the hour when they mostly just sit there and converse with me, and I am willing to pay only so much. Not because I could not afford more based on my financial situation, but because I don't think the service is worth more - in my opinion, anything above $100 for 45-50 mins with a therapist is way too much for what they actually do/provide (I actually paid twice that already). And I don't care what goes on in their life - we all need to perform at work while also having personal challenges. If they cannot focus and participate even the pretty low amount they typically do, it's not the client who should be analyzed for being upset about the charges that are not earned. Being careful about what we spend our money on is not a pathology, at all. Just my opinion.
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Thanks for your viewpoint. My T sees everyone for the full 60 minutes. She has someone before and after me! I can see how that leaves no time for anything personal. Sometimes she has to run to the bathroom before we start. I think $165 is too much but it is probably the average rate in my area.
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Originally Posted by fille_folle
Just so you know, there are social worker T's who take Medicare. I see it listed under my T's accepted insurances.
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I assumed that some Ts accept Medicare but I never thought of it when I started seeing my T.
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Originally Posted by wheeler
Not to be meant at all, just another viewpoint.
It seems that you often question your therapist's intention and authenticity because you pay her. So now that she's offered to have you 'not' pay her for that session you still question her.
Also as someone has noted, do you offer to give back your salary when you aren't able to give your all at work?
I think you expect way too much from your T and no matter what approach she takes you have issues with it. I sometimes wonder if you're in a rut with her and maybe a different T can help you move forward with this cycling.
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Thanks, Wheeler. Those are insightful comments. I tend to be critical towards everyone in my life, not just Ts. I expect a lot, and end up disappointed. I have been through a lot with my T, and feel more comfortable with her than anyone in my life. I'm not looking to move forward in therapy anymore. I just need my T to be there for me as I struggle with my daily life and challenges of aging. She's my safe place.
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Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess
I think you may be out of touch with licensed clinical social worker fees which are usually not much lower than PhD/PsyD fees. My LCSW T charges $165 per hour and I'm in a small town in the southern US. The closest city is St. Louis, where fees are closer to $200/hr. In NYC over this is not unusual.
I think that sometimes jealousy and resentment can make people feel bad about themselves. I should say that this has been true for me, not trying to make it some kind of universal. I wish you could see your own value as independent from how much you earned when you worked or that not having a career doesn't diminish you as a person.
I think it's a positive step for you to pay what every other client pays to your T. That was very brave and probably very fair of you to do so. I hope you continue talking to her about what money means and what you value and why.
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Thank you! T emailed back that we'll talk about the money issue when I see her next. She said maybe "something in between." ( $100 and 165). So, not sure why she seems to still want to give me a discount after telling me what her fee is and that many of her clients pay out-of-pocket! She only said that after I said " most people have insurance and don't pay you all that". Maybe because most of her clients are younger than I am, are working, and are physically healthier. Or haven't seen her for almost 8 years!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlovers141
The other thing I would add to this is that a therapist being paid $165 an hour is not the same as an hourly paid worker in a company being paid that much. People in private practice have to pay for their own health insurance, sick leave, vacation time, personal time, etc., and have to pay the rent and utilities for the space they are renting, as well as office supplies and any items that she uses in therapy. Plus all the education and fees associated with paying for their license and liability insurance. It adds up to a lot. The therapist ends up not taking home anywhere close to that $165.
Also, it takes us a long time to get to a point where we can have a private practice. In order to be a social worker with a private practice, you need to get a masters in social work, pass a licensing exam, have two years of experience and many hours of supervision after that exam, and then pass another exam. That is a lot of years and hours.
Rather than focusing on the specifics of how much you are charged (besides sorting out what you can afford), it might be useful to talk with your T about what comes up for you emotionally. Why do you think she is paid too much (do you feel like you are not getting as much out of your sessions as you want to?)? What did you notice feeling when you saw her being distracted? What were you hoping that she would say when you brought it up the following session? Continue to look at the question behind the question, as it seems that you and others are doing.
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Thanks. I do feel that often my sessions aren't so helpful, and that $100 is a lot of money. T and I had discussed cutting down sessions, but then stuff came up in my life, and I really need her as my anchor. The money reminds me of my being a failure, having been underpaid despite having a master's degree. I've discussed that with her in the past. I think her inattention last week triggered those feelings.