I don't know the correct word for this... is it partial integration? Is that a thing? I've been hesitant to say integrate since there are still more me's in here, but, yeah, thank you, it feels good. A little weird, yes, but very much good. I've had this idea in my head for oh, awhile now, that after the three plus years this group of us have been around living/hosting/whatever, that we are heading towards... I dunno... a partial type integration among us, this group I am a part of. There's a calm, quiet understanding that this is now in progress, but it's also mixed up in a hesitation? Not sure if that is right. It's just we have been this way for so long the idea of being different is a little bit intimidating? I think it's part change being scary, part uncertainty of what happens next. Not just for me and this group I am a part of, but for the other groups that still remain in here with me and mine.

Then there is he whole being okay/healthy/functional aspect. I mean, all I have ever known is not okay, not healthy and functional. Could I really be okay someday? That idea makes my head spin. But it is exciting as well. Maybe some day I'll be able to do things like take classes or make plans that involve time and energy over more than one day, long term, right? I haven't been able to do that in years now. Silly as it sounds, I totally want a garden and thinking I might be here to follow through with that... oh hell yeah. Little things, little things. Thinking like that gives me a sense of stability in my own skin that I have not had in the three plus years I have been here doing life/hosting/whatever. I mean, I have made some plans and set goals, but nothing that required external commitment or things that could not be changed if I just vanished one day for a week, month, years, forever... yeah, thinking about things like that eases up the fear some.

Thank you. I know this is small in the big picture of me, but it feels really huge, and like a domino effect is in place or something. It's good.

-Avery