((((((((( W W )))))))))) I do understand exactly how you feel. I too was left out in the cold by the agency that I worked so hard for to support some of their most difficult individuals. I gave and gave and gave and the more I gave the more they demanded. Burned out, crispy critter is what they ended up with. And to beat all, when I reached out to them for help, they shunned me and turned on me in a heartbeat. Shame on them!!!

It does hurt tremendously when all you want to do is help and they even take that away from you. Not only that it makes me dang mad as all get out!

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to treat yourself kindly and with lots of love and compassion right now. Give to yourself what you so willingly want to give to others. Fill up your well again. It's what I'm doing now myself.

It is hard sometimes to accept that we cannot control what others do (even when what they are doing is not right). Our only true control is over ourselves and what we think, feel and do. From there, the rest is up to others in how they respond to us....no?

You are working through the grieving process of loosing your foster child hon. It will take however long it will take. There is no time constraints on grieving. On top of that you are having to deal with the anger you are feeling towards the agency. That's a lot of stuff to work through.

I know it's hard to think in these terms at times, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Could it be that you are meant for another situation? That you gave to this one child exactly what she needed in her life and now it's time for you to put your energies into another individual? I know we can sit and think that there was more you wanted and needed to do for this child......and that she bonded with you. Of course she bonded with you....you showed her unconditional love. That was the lesson you were to teach her hon....that there is such a thing as unconditional love.

Maybe when it's time, you can turn your thought pattern around from being upset and angry to remembering the good that you did for her when she was with you. Thinking of the positive side of having her in your home for the short time that you did, gave her something wonderful to hold onto. She will never forget you and your love. That in itself is a huge positive and a very wonderful thing!

Take care dear one.....your job is not finished here. There is something else you need to do and when your ready, it will reveal itself and you will feel better and stronger and ready to take it on.


sabby