This is going to be kind of like a journal entry, but I need to get this out....

I am worried/scared about falling in love again, and wonder if I can give my heart and trust to someone again.

My ex ruined everything. He lied, he cheated, he ruined all my trust and faith in him. He shattered everything in our relationship, and I had given him my FULL heart, faith and trust.

I wanted to spend my life with him, or so I had thought at one point. But then while living together, it turned into a very stressful disaster and I learned that in fact, he is a total trainwreck.

He's a totally irresponsible, immoral slacker who would not work hard enough to obtain work while I paid for everything, plus an extreme abusive alcoholic to boot. He downloaded illegal movies on my internet account. There were many more instances that indicated his lack of morals, but he has no real morals, and I do. We were not a good match in the end. And then of course, he hurt me very badly in end, too, and was verbally abusive to me. And I played "mom" to a child.

But I am now afraid of love... I am afraid of being hurt or rejected.

My new guy... well, I cannot be certain, but last night I felt like he was trying to seduce me into love.... or it could be into bed, but he's already gotten that from me already.... so I suspect it's that he's trying to seduce me into falling in love with him. He had that look in his eye.. he looks at me in a certain way that indicates this. A deep look....

And now I am scared.

I cried this morning about my ex. I am still not fully past it, mainly because I thought I had found the person I wanted to marry. It hurts to have broken an engagement. It hurts to have lost what i thought I had... a lifelong partnership, something that I really value and want very much in my life.

Now some (or even many) will say I am not ready for a relationship yet because of this, but I am dating and am having fun right now. We are not serious or committed yet. It's only been one month of dating.

I just worry about falling in love. I am going to keep my emotions in check and will take that part slowly.... I think he is, too. We're both being cautious.

But that look he gave me last night..... made me scared and afraid. I had to look away. I think I even looked down at the floor.

We are good together though, I really like and want to see where this leads. I am not going to back out simply because I'm scared or because I still have emotions over breaking my engagement.

I guess I just wish I hadn't been SO hurt in the end. I did not need that.

Who does?

Love can be cruel. It can leave scars and wounds. But I love to love. I am a Libra after all and that is our trademark.

Thank you for listening, if you've read this.