Quote:
Originally Posted by L.P.
Not sure how to respond. I'm kinda torn on this one. I have an autism spectrum disorder so it's not uncommon for me to miss subtleties that other people would see with ease. Well, I miss huge things as well, but yeah... I can be oblivious to a lot of things. Then there is the whole learned helplessness thing I have going on which has me playing the part of an avoidant or oh enabler type. I know over the years I have put myself in crappy situations because I didn't know I deserved better, I expected no better, and I settled for things because 'it could be worse'. I totally distract when I do things like that. But it's not so much dissociation related for me, abuse related, oh yeah, with a mix of autie based naivety for sure (it's common for some people on the spectrum to seem childlike/immature). That said, I also tend to wear my pessimist hat but I like to pawn it off as a realistic one. I'm always bracing for the worst and trying to not dare to hope for better.
There was a book the SO guy I have was reading... about children who went through trauma and I remember one boy in that book, he ended up in foster care and even though he was like five or seven or something, he behaved like a two or three year old. The foster mom was a champ about him and treated him like the baby because she said he was wanting that so he had to need it. The guy psych guy who wrote the book went on to talk about how children who have early abuse don't get needs met at specific stages in development so they regress or get stuck until those needs at those stages get met. I'm no child psych person for sure, but from what I have noticed over the years from people who have rotten childhoods is that the bulk of them are either hyper mature and controlled, or almost like children/teens trying to live in an adult world. Not that they run around playing with legos all day, but they just miss the subtleties that other adults seem to see and know how to navigate.
I said a lot... sorry... short of it is yeah, I know dissociation plays a part in me acting/living like I'm some weird child/teenage thing instead of a 40yr old, but it also goes a lot deeper than that for me.
-Avery
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Thank you for this!
It’s got me thinking.
The oldest part of me that I feel is 12 (a mature 12) and some younger parts. It feels like I slide between them. Those are the parts that are hurt by people when I trust or expect good from them.
It feels like those are the parts that have emotions and feel the hurt or disappointment.
I have some other parts that do life but they don’t have a lot of emotions.
So I’m wondering if my emotions are on a child’s level. If that’s the case, it would make sense why I am so wounded and hurt by things that other people would just let go and forget.
Words of anger “physically” hurt me. I can feel the hurt of them in my core. I don’t have the words to describe it.