Quote:
Originally Posted by ciderguy
You are saying one thing and then negating the same in the next sentence or paragraph. “I quite enjoy being a female,” and then, “Can’t help but feel like I would be happier if I wasn’t.”
“What am I?” you ask? Confused, I think. We can agree upon that? I am assuming that you are young and sexually inexperienced? What you describe seems like a true bisexuality where you can be comfortable - happy, even - being either sex. That’s something to think on.
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It comes and goes, for shorter or longer periods - "I like being me, today I can happily be female, wear skirts or dresses, maybe even some makeup" and other times "I just want to be relaxed and cool, come across as more male, just be myself and not care too much, just focus on what's around me instead".
Most of the time it is the latter one, I hide what is feminine and try to just be, I do so by trying to look male and I enjoy it. Looking female is stressful to me, I get hung up on my features feeling like they take away the focus from who I am. The fashion and culture makes me uncomfortable for the most part. I realise I get very self conscious when looking more feminine. Constricting in a way. It is confusing, but I seem to have quite accepting people around me, so I make do.
It wasn't as much a nagging thought until recently when I started working with children. A 3 year old girl who loves everything "girly" and hates wearing trousers thinking they are only for boys. I try to explain that gender doesn't matter and at the same time I can't quite understand myself. I'm only 19 and very inexperienced with most things, and I try to figure things out along the way.
I enjoyed reading your comment and realised a lot of my own confusion didn't really matter. It made me happy. Thank you!