Hey. Yeah, I guess I worry a lot about what my therapist thinks of me. Because... It is important to me. I worry that there is something disgusting and repulsive about me (that that is why my father left me etc) and it is there... somewhere... and my therapist will be exposed to it at some point. and then... he will (or will want to) leave me.

So I go through this terror whenever I disclose anything that I find repulsive and disgusting about me, yeah. Worry that that will be the thing that will make him not want to work with me / not like me anymore.

It is hard, yeah.

But nothing risked nothing gained, I guess. But still... only time will tell how he really feels about it.

I kind of hope... That he will find me feminine and attractive regardless. I mean... Not exactly sexually attractive... but personally attracative or something. i don't know. i'm not sure what i mean. but i worry that my feelings about myself will rub off on him in a bad way, yeah.