M.

I got home and found some space and got a download from the 12yo.

There are many questions and there’s some anger about feeling like I was wrong in the eruption that happened with him.

Do you understand the amount and level of numbness that came unleashed in that moment?

All of the anger from the unjust things that he has said to us in the past that was pushed down and shushed. It came out in that moment.

Ya know, the sad thing is that he was so messed up that he doesn’t even remember it.

There’s no satisfaction in the fact that I finally totally lost it and he has no memory of it.

I guess that’s just me wanting to be prideful in the fact that I had finally gotten on his level and reacted to him in a way that he would understand.

But.

He had no memory of it, so that just leaves me feeling like a bad person for acting the way I did.

I’m going to pursue this and see where it takes me.

I couldn’t tell you what he accused me of the other night. It involved you and it made me so very angry.

I don’t understand people. I never have and it makes me feel alone.

My little parts hurt.

The 12yo is not understanding why she was wrong in what she did. It felt like self protection and it was warranted.