Dear MC,
I think I've managed to get out of the whole "this is all my fault" mode, probably partly thanks to T. And shifted more into the anger I was feeling on the call Sunday. This is as much your fault as it is mine. Really, the fact that you're the trained professional here tilts it to being more your fault...you should be able to handle my feelings and emotions, good and bad. You should be able to handle criticism. You should be able to examine yourself and realize that, hey, maybe you *have* been inconsistent at times and get how that can be confusing for clients. How you've given me really mixed messages about what's OK and what isn't. I hope you're somehow able to see that--because I can't believe I'm the only client you hurt with that. Remember, there may have been ones who were hurt but never told you...and the troubled teens you see are particularly vulnerable...

I wish I'd started seeing T much earlier than I did--because he makes me appreciate solid boundaries and clear policies over things like outside contact.

I hope you're in therapy yourself or supervision (not just the whole weekly clinical staff meeting thing, where I doubt you'd bring this up...). Because I think you need to examine what you're doing. If some of this is grief messing with how you do your job, then you need to have other places to process that other than your clients. Or else maybe not practice at all...

LT