Hi Open Eyes! I'll try to be as articulate as possible because this really hit home for me. (I'm not trying to make this about me, so I hope it doesn't seem like that. Sorry if I ramble and go off on tangents.)

I grew up in poverty. That hasn't really changed. However, like you, I didn't think I was poor when I was a little kid. In fact, I thought I was rich because I had shelter and food! Kids are so interesting but their mindsets are really great. Anyways, that's what I thought when I was a kid. My mom always dressed me well. I was clean, had clean clothes, everything. I didn't ask for much (I still don't) but I remember when I would ask for a toy or to go to the movies, my mom would say, "Maybe next week", meaning she didn't have the money. I would never get the toy or go to the movies, and that bummed me out but I got used to it. (To this day, she still does that and I get angry because I'm like, "Why can't she just tell me she's financially struggling?" But I understand that she is sometimes ashamed to say that and I feel bad.) Anyways. Yea, so then I got older and I started seeing things for what they really are.

I hit middle school and started going over to my friend's houses (they actually had houses!) and I started getting jealous because I thought, "How come they have a house and we don't? How come they have a place that's mice and cockroach free? That's not fair. My mother works SUPER hard. That's not fair." And that's when I realized that I was actually poor, you know? And, in middle school, some kids made fun of me for not having designer clothes (I still don't see the point of designer clothes...). That made me sad.

Now I'm older and I am terrified of financially struggling in my adulthood. I just got my first job, so I'm glad that I get to be independent, which will help out my mom, but I still have that fear big time.

"I was not raised to think "in order to be worthy you have to have X". YET, it was always there and in ways that actually traumatized me."

I really relate to this. I was raised the same way, but as soon as I got older it hit me that is what the world bases people's worth on: how much they have. It's wrong and it sucks, but that's the reality.

The thing is, many upper class individuals don't know what it's like to struggle financially. And if they do, then they just forget their past entirely. They're privileged, and with privilege comes entitlement.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. I actually think that we're strong people BECAUSE we know how to budget and survive while trying to make ends meet.

I'm really sorry that the people in your neighborhood are like that. You sound like a genuinely nice person and a great parent. They sound superficial and you don't need that in your life.

That and I'm sure your house is awesome!