Is common law still a thing? I just remember that my birth mother and step father were in a relationship for over ten years before they “officially” got married. Less than two years later, and they were divorced. I think marriage is a great thing, but it can also be the end to some relationships because what I have seen what I just described on more than one occasion. My mom and step dad were “common law” for all those years, though.

I’m not the type of guy who is afraid of commitment, even when regarding marriage. I put a ring on the love of my life’s finger and she’s the one who ended it before it became official. Still, I do think some guys (and gals) get concerned about marriage when things are good, and are afraid things will get ruined. Since I’ve seen it happen myself, I can’t really disagree. I don’t necessarily believe it’s the marriage that ruins relationships, but at the same time I don’t think it can be ruled out either.

I know why you’d want to make it official, and I’m the same way. However, all you can really do is continue to have serious talks about what you both want. I don’t like that he’s telling you basically you need to change before he will marry you. That isn’t right. I’ve always believed that love is about loving the imperfections in someone. But with such little actual insight, it’s just too difficult to know what’s going on in his mind. For us, and even for you.

I never liked the whole “ultimatum” thing, but I do think you two need to sit down (no matter how many times you have before) and have a serious conversation. He needs to let you know what’s going on in his head. I know what it is like to have your partner not let you in, and believe me it’s really hard for a relationship to succeed like that. There absolutely has to be communication. At the end of the day, if he refuses to marry, then you have to decide if he’s worth sticking around for even though your future plans aren’t lining up. Compromise is also key in a relationship, and if he simply just isn’t ready yet but assured you he is committed, maybe you can compromise and have a sort of “promise ring” sort of thing or something? I know it isn’t what you want and might even be silly for a couple of your age, but it might also make you feel a little better about the situation. Hope it all works out for you.