What if you had a serious physical condition that you were required to stay on top of and manage nearly all of the time? What if you had doctors and family pressuring you to stick with it without fail and what if you also had a slew of mental and emotional problems that tormented you on a daily basis?
What if your mental health issues were so, intense that you felt like peace of mind was more important then how long you lived?

I went to see my diabetes/health advisor today and found that I have put back on 8 pounds after having lost 15. She told me to cut out soda drinks totally and completely and to drink very little fruit and even vegetable juice and to drink lots of water. She also wants me to exercise.
The only exercising I care for are walks in parks and woods when it is warm because I despise cold weather. Drinking juice and having good tasting sodas and other flavored drinks help me to feel better and stay grounded as my true self or host self and even though I do eat and drink some healthy foods, I need stuff that lifts my spirits and helps to drag me out of bad moods or states so, that life feels like something that is not entirely all about suffering. I NEED anything that I can get that makes me WANT to stay alive! The pressure is just too much. I can't do it. If I don't get some therapy within the next few days then, I'm worried that I may harm myself in some way. This is not a threat that I'll hurt myself. It's just me worrying openly. If I can't have some moments of happiness a few times a day then, what is the point? Just something to take my mind off of what it's like to be me. That's all that I want. Just a little peace.