@LT, sorry if I'm overstepping here, I'm pretty new, so may be completely clueless. I've just noticed that it seems like this whole MC debacle is a constant source of distress for you - it seems really exhausting. I guess I was just wondering why you and H continue to see him. I realize breaking contact would be really painful, but the continued contact honestly doesn't seem to be doing you any good. I'm not sure attempting to work through the issue with him still in the picture is in your best interests. Also, he is right that it's not a good idea for you two to talk about the transference issue alone. Tbh, that email put him in a sticky spot because he shouldn't be privy to secrets from your husband, let alone ones involving him. Regardless of his past behavior, it's not ethical for him as the marriage counselor to be having all this contact with you without your husband, especially if it involves talking about the transference issue. About what you said about him responding in this way to your vulnerability, I might be wrong, but it seems to me that you chose to be vulnerable in a way that was not being asked for and that you knew was inappropriate. Do you think it's possible you intentionally crossed the boundary because you wanted an excuse for more contact? That would be understandable, but again, I think continuing to have any contact with MC is not helpful to you.

Sorry if that came across really harsh... I do feel a lot of sympathy for you, it's just hard for me to understand how things can be resolved when what you seem to desire is more contact and more connection with him.