It's OK--believe me, you're far from the first who has said that. You're fairly new to PC, but this has been a recurring theme over the past year or two. There have been times when he's helped H and I and where he's helped me individually--mainly within the couples sessions--immensely, like with great insights into me and how my brain operates. I had this feeling that he understood me more than anyone ever had in my life. And he's been there for me with support, too. I went through a crisis nearly 2 years ago and he was really there for me--probably helped keep me alive.

It's just really confusing, because he can be caring and insightful and supportive...but then his boundaries are really fuzzy and inconsistent, which can be terribly confusing. Nearly everything I bring up with him individually, I also share with H--like sharing e-mails with him (including the most recent ones), giving recaps of phone calls. I think H accepts how important of a person he is to me. He's been generally supportive--when I first realized the transference (like 2 years ago), I asked if he wanted to stop seeing him, and he said no. I've asked him that other times, too.

The transference is mostly paternal--which is part of what gives MC so much power over me (because it brings out the childhood needs and desires). I think part of why I stayed for so long is that MC has said that working through transference (rather than walking away) can help to rewrite stories from my past. And I've read stuff online that says, if you don't resolve transference with one person, you're just going to shift it to someone else. So I bought into that. Part of me kept feeling like, I've invested so much, I want to see this through.

And there have definitely been some shifts in me. A year ago, I never could have said the things I did to him on the phone/via text/in session Monday. I'm standing up to him and asserting myself, which I think is important. I'm not seeing him as this perfect father figure (it's helped that he's shared lots of ways that he hasn't been so great as a father).

But now...I feel kind of different about things. I'm not sure if it's because of what MC said to me in this instance, how it really hurt me, like maybe I can't completely forgive that. Maybe it's him showing his true colors, how he really feels about me. And I'm like 99.9% sure there's some countertransference going on--paternal, possibly something else, maybe I remind him of his sister or ex or something--that plays into why he can be so connected with me, then pulls back.

But anyway--I wonder if part of the shift, at least in the past few months--have been from seeing a new T. I'd been seeing ex-T (female who worked in same practice as MC and referred us to him) for 6 years. She didn't seem to be helping me work through the MC transference, and I felt I'd hit a plateau with her in general (like I'd gone as far as I could with her, and she was never the best fit). Plus, she would make judgmental comments amount MC, which didn't help things... I started seeing a new male T 3 months ago, who just has a different approach to therapy. He also has very clear-cut boundaries in general (MC discloses an excessive amount about himself and his life, while T shares very little) and set policies around outside contact (charges for e-mails/calls over certain length, would rather schedule extra session if more contact needed, which I've done a couple times) and I'm realizing the value in that. I feel safer with him. I don't have that same insecure attachment and neediness going on--it's much more secure, even though I've only been seeing him 3 months. I don't think I really feel safe with MC anymore...

I think it may be time to walk away soon--I'm not sure it's possible to work through things at this point. But I want to assert myself. I don't want to feel like the weak, needy person who became so attached to him, like it was all my fault. He contributed a huge part to this. I doubt he'll recognize or admit to that, but I need to leave not because I'm running away, but because I'm asserting myself. Because I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm hoping T can help me with that...he's helping me feel stronger (and no, I don't feel like I'm just shifting the transference to him--the relationship feels very different, and we've already talked about my fears of becoming overly attached).

Edited to add: I know this is already ridiculously long, but wanted to comment on what you'd said about it just being exhausting and not helpful--that's actually something that came up with T yesterday. Like...part of why i started seeing him was that ex-T wasn't helping me deal with the MC transference (not the only reason--I have plenty of other issues!) But...if I'm getting therapy partly to deal with my therapy, then how does that make sense? MC does still help some with our marriage, including as recently as 2 weeks ago when he made some really helpful recommendations--though right now, it's probably just that we're bonded/united against him! So that's definitely something I'm considering. As I said to T, why am I paying someone to cause me pain?