ak, I had to laugh when I read your post, especially:
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Sometimes I think I'm just going round and round from freak out to freak out.

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I think this is the "space" that I am in. The problem is, I haven't had much relief between freak-outs (even if those freak-outs are just in my head).
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I wonder if part of it is thinking about there being 'better' and 'worse' and about how life is meant to be about moving away from the bad towards the good. I wonder sometimes if life is simply a journey. We move forward through time (on one reading of the nature of time, anyway). And there isn't a 'better' or a 'worse' there is just a being... Not sure if this makes any sense.

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Actually, this makes alot of sense to me. Being borderline, I always see things as either good or bad, up or down, right or wrong, etc., but that IS me just "being." While it all makes sense to me, it is everyone else that has the problem with it

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Part of why I'm here is because the same inter-personal issues that I struggle with IRL come up in my online interactions.

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Same here. I thought if I could "practice" on you guys , it would make things easier IRL. What I have discovered is that I am just as bad on-line as I am IRL. One good thing is I have been able to delete most of the responses before hitting "submit." The other good thing is you can't actually "see" or "hear" me freaking out! Alas, not so IRL.

I wish RL had a "submit" button AND a "delete" button - life would be so much easier.

I AM SO TIRED OF BEING EMBARRASSED ABOUT ME!!