Things have gotten better and I'm doing OK for the most part. I looked back on my journals to try to figure out what happened a couple weeks ago, I felt so awful and was so upset, with everything. What bipolar has done to me. I was so upset with all of my friends and family and that came out of nowhere and got so intense. It was an awful feeling. I have had this before and to put mildly, it sucks. Bad.

What I found was that I had at least two straight days of not sleeping enough at all just before this. There was a bad depression a couple weeks prior after one 'up' day. That's the second time that's happened in a couple months. One or two up days, a lot of psychomotor symptoms, then bam, hard crash into bad depression a few days, and then moderate depression for a couple weeks. Sleep problems often. I don't have energy to get anything good done and have lots of empty feelings and brain fog. I barely eat and definately don't shower or hygiene much. The days just pass by as if they didn't happen.

I also found that I had cut Lamictal HS from 150 to 100 about 5 days before. Doctor had said it was OK and was a trade off for more seroquel. I did fine from 200 down to 150, and three day I started getting migraines and there was a night I threw up 3x from it. The others were bad but no throwing up. Journal says I feel really weird and disoriented with time/space and was cycling. Three days later is when I had all of the severe psychomotor and that's when I came on here to help me get some things out. It helped a lot. So did prn seroquel. A couple days after that I realized the lamictal change could have been part of it. When I have forgotten a dose I do have bad agitation, I think I'm really sensitive to it. But I bumped it back to 150HS and haven't changed the morning 200 dose. I do want to change it down to 150 also but will wait at least a few weeks. I truly want off of all of my meds completely. I'd be OK with PRNs. There's no way it's happening right now. I'm hoping things are right enough that I can get better behavioral stuff going, and that becomes like a pill itself. If I get some exercise I'm more likely to do hygiene stuff and more like to eat something healthy. I sleep better when I exercise. And those things can snowball. Structure is so important. I struggle with it often. So, I'm stop the ramblings, hope everyone is doing well. If you are not, make yourself get some exercise, it will be well worth it. I will too.