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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Thanks, FF. Actually, now that I think about it (looking at my PC join date, Feb. 2015, since I joined to deal with transference stuff), it's been more like 3 years...As it sounds like you understand, it can just be so confusing because there's so much warmth and caring and acceptance that I'm looking for from him...but then it's within not only the bounds of a therapeutic relationship, but also marriage counseling. So much of it has been him talking about how healing working through transference can be--saying I should stay because then I can see that he's not abandoning me. It's like he's keeping me hooked, almost like an addiction. Sort of like, "You need to stay here with me to get better, to overcome the issues that led to the transference. If you leave, you're losing your big chance to work through this stuff from your past." (I'm sure he would disagree, but that's what it feels like...)
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Well, it won't be healing if it's not a healthy relationship. Maybe there's just too much baggage at this point? I do think it can be healing to work through transference, but the circumstances have to be right. It definitely shouldn't take years, and I think MC has been irresponsible in allowing the situation to continue this long. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he knows what he's doing. He's failing you by prolonging the situation when he doesn't really know what to do. Meanwhile, you suffer. If he's saying things to make you feel like the only person who can help you with this issue is him, that's incredibly manipulative and unprofessional. You have to remember that you're the one living with all this emotional suffering, not him. I suspect he doesn't want to see you leave because he's come to see this situation as a test of his professional capabilities. I don't think he has the objectivity to evaluate the situation and advise you on it. Have you asked your T if he thinks continuing the relationship is best for you? I wonder if he agrees with MC that what's going on has therapeutic value, or if he sees things differently.