T my problem of course (why I can't let myself call) is I know I'll narc on myself, and tell you that part of me doesn't want to come back even to wrap up and say goodbye. I feel mean for thinking that.

You probably knew this would happen didn't you and that's why you asked if we should schedule the coming back...

Stupid stubborn ego.
Eta haha I fooled myself and called anyway and left a message asking to schedule.