I have feelings for all genders, men, women, trans and also I have feelings for people no matter their orientation, all of high school I pursued gay men and straight women. Now, of course, I don't. Who I prefer is almost as erratic as my bipolar, always cycling. I have always been firm for my feelings for men, that has never changed. I am in fear of what my ultra-conservative Christian grandparents and relatives will think if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, so my feelings of women are limited to looking and not pursuing. I have slept with a woman I had strong feelings for and enjoyed the intimacy, though I've never liked sex. I've had 8 partners since I turned 21 and none brought me close to orgasm. It is an uncomfortable feeling to have intercourse, to receive oral, and to receive ****. I enjoy giving oral on a man, but have not gone down on a woman and I am extremely nervous to do so to the point where I may not ever want to. All of my fantasies involve men. I never fantasize about a woman unless I'm looking directly at her. But in private my fantasies involve multiple men and that I am also a man whether I myself am a man or I am taking on the role of another man in my fantasies. I am an active member of the slash/yaoi/ship community. I like male pairings and always fantasize about two or multiple men together.

Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman. Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both. In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine. I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up.