Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead
One thing I have to ask is if you’ve tried any counseling? Some of the things you mentioned seem like they could be compromised on. I’m not telling you to stay in a relationship you aren’t happy in, but at the same time just like this can and probably will be very hard on him it may be very hard on you. If you see him move on, and let’s say you’re struggling to find someone, you might start questioning your decision. That’s all a part of life though. And while I know people say you shouldn’t date an ex, even if this ends I wouldn’t necessarily consider it entirely final. You just never know what will happen in life.
With all that being said, I’ve seen way too many people end up in miserable marriages and stay in those situations for so many years. Life is just way too short to be unhappy for the duration of it. So if you really think this is what you need to do, then you have to do it. All
I will say is to be careful rushing in with this new guy you have been talking to, I just never think that’s a good idea after any breakup but especially after a divorce.
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That's a really good point, that nothing can be a given. Anything in life is possible, within reason!
I have been in counselling for nearly 2 years now, to work on the loss of a mother I never really knew, a family I never opened up to, a past full of abuse etc, and through that I think I have become stronger in myself. Able to stand up for myself more, to say what I need and want and to go out and seek that.
I did ask my husband if he would go to couples counselling, a year or so ago, but he would not. Said he wasn't interested in it, didn't have time for it. Well that is now how I feel about our marriage.
My therapist also said the same as you, that this could be hard on me, that I could get hurt and I know and accept that, but I think I owe it to myself to try. She also talked about the fact that he may find someone else and they may awaken in him all the qualities that I desired. I think that would sting a little, but in a way I would be happy for them. I seem to be in a place of acceptance that we just aren't right for each other, but that someone else may be right for him.
I appreciate I may not always be in such a place of acceptance, but that is life.
The hardest part for me is how. How to do it. How to remain strong in the face of his hurt. How to do that to someone else. How to walk away when I do still have the small reservations. I am not a black and white thinker. I see all possibilities and all opinions and so I am finding thst quite difficukt. How to trust myself and fight for myself. Those are the hardest parts.