I haven't read through this whole thread, but it seems to me that what you need is some sort of closure from this horrible experience so that you can finally move on.

I feel that you must get this closure so that it's not affecting your current relationship. It's completely unfair to the new guy to have to deal with your unresolved issues over your ex boyfriend.

In order to get this closure, you have to first find forgiveness. This is the hardest part, but its necessary. I had a lot going on in my life recently, and that brought up a bunch of anger and other emotions I had shoved way deep down inside of me from an awful falling out I had with someone years ago. I had forgiven this person a while back, and don't really blame them for what happened, but I still needed some sort of way to deal with the feelings I was experiencing so that it I could move on with my current BF.

So, I wrote out a letter to that person, explaining that I forgave him, that what happened had happened and that I was moving on, had a new boyfriend and that I wished nothing but the best for him. In fact, just writing out that letter felt like a huge release. Sending it off to him was just the icing on the cake.

Maybe you can't forgive yet, but is it really worth being stuck with all that hatred and anger tainting your new relationship and keeping you from living your life? Trust me, once you've forgiven them, everything just feels lighter, happier, freer, and brighter, and you are finally in control with who you are, and what you're going to do with your life. It gives you the power back to be yourself once more.

I hope you can finally get the closure you need to move on.