Thank you all again for your replies. I feel calmer today about everything. Not much clearer, I don't think, but calmer. The guy I was chatting to did reply, and said that he understood, was appreciative of my honesty and explained his situation to me. We have agreed to continue chatting and getting to know each other but he made it clear he does not want to get involved between me and my husband and that he wants to take things really slowly and with a lot of consideration. I think that is very sensible.

I have been struggling with trying to pretend that everything is normal at home, when I know what I am planning. I got up this afternoon (I am working nights) to a note left by my husband. He hardly ever leaves notes. It said "death leaves a heartache than no one can heal, love leaves us memories that no one can steal". My mind and body went into panic thinking "What does he know. What had he done. Has he left, or has he done something stupid." I didn't know what to do.

In the end I calmed down enough to think rationally and rang him. He was just in the supermarket buying a few bits and bobs. When he got home he told me he had just watched a film and eally liked the quote and thought it would be romantic to leave it there for me. Again, not like him really.

I figured that if ever there was a time to introduce to him how I am feeling, then this was it. If ever someone was going to hand me a cue, then this was then. So I told him how I still wasn't happy. How even though I see him getting his life in order, it doesn't change what is in my heart. That I don't love him and never have. He heard that and agreed with me. He does love me though, and I agreed with him. I told him that I thought we were too different to be right for each other. He seemed to see this. I told him it made me sad because he is a good man, but he doesn't make me happy. We don't make each other laugh and we don't have enough in common anymore. It was all really civil. We sat and listened to each other and agreed that one of our problems is that we don't talk enough, but that's because neither of us feels we can despite both being aware of it and both trying to change this. It improves for a short while and then slips back.

He asked me not to do anything straight away, not to leave straight away, to give it time. I said I had already given it a lot of time, and that i wasn't sure how much longer he needed, or how this time would be any different. Even if things do continue to improve, we agreed that you can't force love if it isn't there. I explained that I didn't want for us what his parents had, and he said he didn't want for us what my parents had either. I agreed. Neither of us had great examples to follow. My parents lived very separate lives but stayed together for us I think. His Mum was half relieved when his Dad died because it set her free. She is now with someone who truly makes her happy. He said he didn't want that for me either.

So all in all a very eventful evening, but one that has led to me feeling more settled, because the truth is out there now on both fronts, and we can take it day by day now.

I am still leaning towards the leaving side, because I have to know whether things could be better. If he chooses to wait and continues to keep building his life up for the better, for hin, then who knows what the future holds, for either of us. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me!!