How do I deal with myself? I overspent on christmas. I have about $20 in cash for gas and $18 for food until the 1st. I don’t have money for christmas projects to distract me from my scilents. My son’s on winter break and I want to take him to the amusement park before our passes expire. I don’t want to be home all I do is sit silent sit on the computer doing nothing. I mean I mostly stare at the screen. At least I’m listening to music now. I have to make it through if I don’t my husband and son won’t make it through that. I feel like I feel nothing, I’m stuck. I try to sleep through this feeling but I can’t sleep. If anyone talks to me it startles me and my reaction is to be a ***** and end the conversation as fast as I can, even with my husband. I don’t want to be intimate because it’s too much work and I get bored and just done with trying to become interested the first couple of minuets. I’m learning I’m not a nice person, not the funny kind. If I talk it’s to tell my husband and son to do some chore they forgot about. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t know or like this person. I want off meds at least then I have feelings, could be happy, angry, whatever. I had fun. I know the psychosis ****ed with me but I could be happy. Is this a negative symptom? I smile when I need to, I still don’t talk. I feel like even stable I’m getting worse. I lack personality when I’m okay. I know when everything settled I’m in the more low end of mood. I wish I never met my husband. I don’t usually regret anything but I wish I didn’t subject anyone to me.