radio_flyer,

I know these feelings you describe. I have been there. I agree with what you seem to suggest, that we must "own" our past at some point. That has been my experience. When I own my past, I must deal with it and work to heal from it. Otherwise, it just haunts me and makes me all disfunctional.

I was struck by one thing you said though that made me sad. You say you feel "ashamed" for being "stuck" so long. I understand that, but I have come to believe that just like I don't have to be ashamed for what was done to harm me, I also don't have to be ashamed of my struggle to recover. I have not always done well or made the best choices in recovery. But I don't have to be ashamed for those failures, setbacks, or even trying to escape the recovery process. The process hurts often. And I am human. I didn't ask to be put here. But I can be proud of leaning into the struggle. I don't have to be ashamed of when I stumble in that process, and certainly don't have to be ashamed of the time and efforts it takes to heal. I hope that for you too.

Thank you for being here and for sharing and supporting us all.

be well,

mtd