It seems like you are already a very self sufficient person. Based on what you shared, you have been living the life of an outsider for the most part. That is a very self sufficient behavior.
Just the fact that you want genuine human connection and want to love and be loved, doesn’t mean you are not a self sufficient or person.
I can identify with majority of what your concerns and frustrations (although I am a 40 year old female and I do also get called out for telling the reality about guys )
I think you are smart enough to know that while isolating yourself from people provides temporary protection, it is not the solution to address your struggles, definitely not in the long run.
I suggest that you (by the way I feel like a hypocrite by making this suggestion because I too suffer from interpersonal relationships.). You may want to revisit your expectations of people, be it friends, family or a significant other. Also, everybody has a different ability and/or limitations as to how much they can contribute to a friendship or any sort of relationship. Once people get used to receiving and if the friendship is already based on you providing and them receiving it would be difficult to reverse that dynamic.