I'm 22 and started taking Clozapine about 4 years ago because of an episode of self harm I had once. It was just that, but the thing is the psychiatrist I was consulting was reluctant to trust me and to trust that I didnt need to leave it. So i changed psychisatrist some time ago now. Meanwhile, life with this drug wasnt very concerning. The only thing I totally HATED was the sedation which always bothered me during the whole morning. I never had any schyzophrenic episode or things like that and I really wanted to leave this drug for good, no one wants to be dependent on these things. But as soon as I started lowering the dose about one year ago, I started to feel the negative changes. The sedation was something serious, I could barely get out of a bed/chair in the morning before going out and do something, my writing career I'm working at started to suffer too, and I didnt feel comfortable with my social surrounding. This thing continued. And I did something worse, only because i was totally tired of everything, sedation, unfulfilled dreams of not being med free and succesful. I just left it on 200mg.

The truth is things didn't change after doing that, I felt the same than when i was still taking about six months ago. No fatal abstinence syndrome and stuff like that, just the same feeling that I cant write really well and that I dont feel content with my social environment and careers. Of course, all that without the sedation added, which would make me feel like worse. I've had had quite some time dealing with this so nothing surprises me anymore. I just want to be able to sit down and write in the way I like it.

What I seriously want to know is THIS: Is this thing permanent? Is this thing going to hunt me all my life til I go back taking it? Not talking about feeling like a suicidal person or stuff, I'm not on that, just want to have this space in which I could write a bit and have nice days, just tell me wheter I can keep on going instead of being dependent on that thing

Thanks for viewing