I stayed for 31 years; we can only do what we can do...when we are ready to do it. Be kind to yourself; stay in counseling; you have been brainwashed, and it will take time to get those lies he told you about yourself (blame and shame) out of your head. I don't know how he can stop you from getting a divorce; still trying to manipulate you. Stay strong and maybe keep a journal on this journey you are on; years from now, you will realize how far you have come. xo

P.S. Your dream wasn't a fake, but HE was.