I'm in my 50s and am wondering if I have BPD, not yet seen a pdoc for diagnosis. I have a history of abuse and trauma and am experiencing:

Rapid mood swings. My mood can plunge, often on thoughts of past or abuse, at any moment.

Intense emotions and irritability: I can get angry just from having someone block the sidewalk ahead of me, or someone at work talking too much on the phone.

Abandonment: I fear I'm not fitting in and once people find out who I really am will reject me, especially after experiencing one of my socially awkward outbursts.

Paranoia: When stressed, I get paranoid about others working against me.

Relationships: I'm a loner, have trouble establishing relationships, and even more maintaining them. I tend to focus on the negative in partners.

Low self esteem: I have intrusive thoughts of causing attractive people discomfort just from looking at me. Mixes in with BDD, which I had in textbook variation in my teens.

Sarcasm: with my pessimistic attitudes, I use sarcasm and sometimes cynicism to cope.

Impulsivity: some issues here.

Lack of purpose: I often wonder why I'm even still here.

Unstable personality: in my teens and twenties, I tried to mimic people of whom I thought they were doing better. This has decreased with age, but I still feel I don't really know who I am.