I am having a hard time this Christmas season. I know it's because I've had such a rough year, which has been pretty bad in the past few months when I had such a bad manic episode, then severe depression, then a hospital stay right before Thanksgiving. After my hospitalization, I just lost all Christmas interest. We have 2 kids, but not a lot of money to buy them much this Christmas, although I think we have come up with some creative ideas for them. We have to visit my in-laws for several days starting Christmas Eve, and I really wish I could stay at home. There are so many people there, I don't feel like being around anyone at all. But I have to put on a smiling face for my kids and my family.

Kids should bring out the Christmas spirit, but we just put up our tree this week, the kids just decorated it yesterday, and I'm still not in the mood. . We're not giving them any real toys this year (they are 8 and 10) but putting together "girly" kits for them from Dollar Tree stuff: their own baking pans and mixes and such since they love to help me cook; some simple make up bags with nail polish and lip gloss; their own hair supply of combs, brushes, hair oil, hair bands and clips; and individual shower caddies with body washes, lotions, bath poofs. Then just a couple of inexpensive clothes, a book each, and a shared game. I will say, finally putting together these girly kits will make me smile, because even though we got all this stuff from Dollar Tree, I think they will love getting these kind of girly preteen kits, that's the kind of stuff they like now anyhow. And they don't know or care it's all cheap Dollar Tree stuff. . But it has saved us a ton of money.

Hopefully that will be enough to get me through Christmas and the girls won't be disappointed. I'm still not looking forward to being around people, so I don't know how I'm going to get through that. Sigh. It's just been so hard to get in the Christmas spirit after being hospitalized and all these appointments.