I haven't ever experienced the volatile love/hate relationships with my T's that some people have. I've never considered leaving therapy because of a rupture with a T. I know I've been mildly annoyed before, but I can't really even remember specifics. As for ups, I tie these to when I have made the effort to disclose something. T's responses have counteracted my fears and I am able to trust her more. I am then more able to allow an emotional connection. I am still working on this with my current T, but I think we're on track. I also feel more connected and cared for when a T says something that shows she knows something about my personality quirks. For example, longtime T knows I have a pathological aversion to asking for help under any circumstances. Current T is still getting to know me and I'm making it pretty hard by not saying much. When we do talk directly about one of my quirks, I feel more connected to her. I think she's starting to pick up on how extremely passive and avoidant I am... identifying when my plan is to just hope something goes the way I want it to. Finally, I find there's an upswing, at least internally from my perspective, when my T tells me she appreciates me sharing something. It makes me feel more inclined to be open knowing that she recognizes and values my efforts to communicate.

Oh, and one more. I feel an upswing when my T connects something I tell her with something else I mentioned in a previous session without me spelling it out. That makes me feel seen and heard.