Hey. Yeah, I guess I'm ambivalent about the traditional gender roles, too. I remember growing up knowing that my Father really wanted me to be a boy. I'm his only child, and it was really important to him that I be a boy in order to carry on the family name - which is something that he feels very strongly about. I think there were difficulties, too, in his not really knowing how to relate to me. It was difficult enough for him trying to relate to me at all (since I was a kid), but my being female made it even harder for him. Maybe part of me implicitly wonders if he wouldn't have left me if I was a boy. Though I know that I'd be more offensive to him as a masculine girl than as a feminine girl... I don't know. It is hard, I guess.

I think part of it is that I didn't really identify with my mother at all. Maybe my rejection of femininity is part of my rejection of her. But then my mother wasn't traditionally feminine either, so I guess that in rejecting the traditional feminine gender role I'm more like her.

It is a hard one, yeah.
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