Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassandclass
I understand what you mean. When you first start being assertive it feels like... [emoji848]... like a personality transplant. Haha! Even though you’re still “you”. But where once you’d be passive, you’re assertive. And that’s a whole different feeling. And you get a WHOLE DIFFERENT reaction from others. Aggressive people push back. Manipulative people gaslight and try guilt tripping you. Once people pleasing is not the main objective people tend to start disappearing.
But the thing is, we are not put on this earth to be dancing bears for others in some sort of circus. That’s how people pleasing made me feel. Like I was personally responsible for the joy and happiness and entertainment of everyone around me.
Assertiveness helps us to find the people who truly respect us. And to be able to pin point the people who really DON’T respect us in our life. Then we are able to gravitate towards the ones who DO respect us.
:lifeskill :highfive!
HUGS!!!
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Yes, being assertive now in my late 40s, after living my life as a "dancing bear" people-pleasing doormat (which never helped me to get my emotional needs met from the people I "helped"), is like experiencing a personality transplant. Very well put, Sassandclass.
What I have to get used to, is not feeling guilt or shame when I put up healthy boundaries with people I know don't have my best interest in mind. I can think of current family members (siblings and cousins) who push back with verbal gaslighting when I try to establish boundaries with them as an adult. They are so used to walking all over me because I let them do that in the past.