Well... I suppose this might fall into the category of "be careful what you wish for". I guess one has to give your husband credit for what he's doing. I suspect there are a lot of men who just never wake up at all! On the other hand... no... I don't think you're wrong! You should have your own life. And he should have his. And between the two, the two of you can then come together as a couple... kind-of like two circles that partially intersect one another. At least that's what makes sense to me.

My wife & I are both retired. She has things she does. And I have things I do. We don't do EVERYTHING together. In fact actually, after 38 years of marriage, the reality is that to a large extent we now have little in common except the fact that we've been married for 38 years. But that's okay. I don't know many other couples our age... (or any other age either for that matter.) But from what I have observed, as the years go by, couples do tend to develop their own separate interests over time. I think that's only natural.

From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though that mothers day card you received from your male friend put the fear of God into your hubby, as the saying goes. And now he's smothering you. I wish I knew what to suggest here... perhaps some counseling for your hubby & / some couples counseling for the two of you... if he would go. But beyond that I think you're just going to have to stand firm & "protect your territory", so to speak... in other words... establish & enforce some personal boundaries. It will be tough. And it may well cause friction. But otherwise you simply end up falling back in line & plodding on as you have up to now. The question is... is that something you can live with? Only you know the answer to that one.