I feel everything you've described here. And my own additional mess of myself. Feel better, trust someone a little, get stabbed in the back. I lost another friend today. She told me I wasn't worth being friends with. I agreed and walked away. She tried to tell me that was her "just letting off a little steam." I told her that was burning me to the core and it wasn't acceptable to me. I don't have much self-respect, but the little I have meant I had to keep walking away. I had told her about something I was excited about, a meditation practice I'm going to, and how badly I really need this because I've been a huge mess lately. I was certainly a mess, because I was tearful about my low spots but happy about becoming hopeful and I didn't have control of either emotion.
I don't like people most times, and this is why.
I understand where you are. I am there right now too. Maybe one of us can figure it out and help the other?